My intent has been to live a virtuous life. It has been more difficult than I imagined.
My humanity is messy and complicated, and when love and virtue get tarnished I want to run away.
I am fragile, vulnerable, and needy—more than I ever thought I’d be.
I’m running away now, even as I write.
My choice for President of the United States isn’t one of the two candidates. I find too little virtue in the ones who are seeking the office.
Then, to my dismay, I find something of myself in them, and run again.
Deception, bigotry, prejudice—and yes, racism, dishonesty, arrogance, false witness, and a hidden pleasure in despicable and venomous thoughts are there—all part of my messy humanity—sadly, I admit, that’s me.
But there’s more.
The arduousness of finding joy and contentment when shortcomings and weakness intervene can breed defeatism, but like the junkyard dog, I’ve been relentless in the pursuit of delight and fulfillment.
This is who I am, not just the detestable traits but the conundrum of their presence, and why I must acknowledge and embrace their existence so meaning, purpose and virtue will not elude my grasp, and acts of loving kindness can occur—and they do.
I accept and embrace others for who they are, listen well and respond sensitively, exercise tolerance and offer forgiveness as often as I seek it. I have passion for the wellbeing of loved ones, friends, clients, and the distant ones whose lives intersect with mine. Often I strive to be thoughtful, compassionate and loving.
When I find myself desiring goodness and connection with others, in a damaged world of broken people and horrific events, I discover hope for change and renewed faith in humankind.
Gratitude and celebration of people’s resilience buoys my soul, and brings joy in the midst of great sorrow.
by 
It is true I find, that when I detect faults in others it is because I recognize them. Yes, they are part of my person. I wish our political system was one of respect and honesty but power seekers is all I find.
Because I dare to acknowledge these faults in myself, I am given the opportunity to do something about them.
Thanks for reminding me.
Carmen,
Thanks for your comment. When we have the courage to look, life can mirror our soul, and as you write, then we can do something about what we see.
Roger
You capture well our mutually shared, flawed humanity, and I appreciate your finale to this reflective piece, reaffirming virtuous intentions, hope, faith, resilience, and joy in the midst of our sorrows! Write and live on, fully and authentically, mon ami.
Colette,
Thank you for your comments. You too, write on and live even as virtue, like the good Samaritan’s gesture, seems elusive. Thanks for your encouragement.
Roger
I love to read your work, my friend. You are a master with words as you paint for us the innermost parts of your spirit and soul.
Anne,
Thank you for reading these pieces, and for your encouraging words. As I “paint” I wonder and question whether my meanderings and doubts find like minded souls. Your inspiring story bolsters my faith in finding “light” in those explorations. Thank you as well for being “on the road” with me.
Roger